I have a ton of blogging to do. I have really slacked off this month. Since October 18 I have been in an outpatient program. It is much better than the other outpatient program that I have attended in the past but there is something that is still not clicking for me. I am putting forth effort and I am talking and opening up in group, even about issues that I had swore I wouldn’t talk about in a group setting, but feel stuck. It feels like I am missing the “fix” or “cure”. Now don’t get me wrong. I am fully aware that it’s not as easy as writing a prescription. The therapist can’t simply say “do a jig, jump up and down ten times, and recite the serenity prayer in a childlike voice” and then poof, I am cured, but I just feel like all we are doing is figuring out why we are fucked up and then not really spending time on the techniques needed to un-fuck up ourselves. Plus, I have never been completely sold on the group therapy concept, especially when it is the only form of therapy. I really feel like I need to be seeing a therapist one on one at least twice a week right now, but they ask that you don’t see any outside therapists of psychiatrists while in the program (what are we going steady?). This is something that I am going to have to talk to them about on Monday. I either need more out of this relationship or I am going to have to start seeing other people.
Of course there have been some med changes. I am now on Pristiq for depression instead of Lexapro. It is too soon to tell if it is working. My primary care physician also raised my thyroid medication a bit because the levels were a bit off. Maybe that will help with my energy level as well.
There hasn’t been any news regarding my short term disability. I am really trying not to stress about it, which is hard. To make matters worse, The Hubby’s truck broke down on Tuesday and he hasn’t been able to get it fixed. He has done a lot of work to it and can’t seem to find the problem. Of course it broke down at work which is an hour away from the house so he had to have it towed home which was expensive. He and his buddies at work did some work to it in the parking lot and thought they got it running but it broke down about two miles away in the middle of the road and there was no shoulder either. I was scared to death The Hubby was going to get run over. That was a really stressful night. So for the moment we are down to only one car and we are broke thanks to towing expenses and the money we have sunk into trying to fix the truck. It is actually good that I am not working right now because we can’t make our work schedules work with only one car, but I do get out of the outpatient program I am in early enough to get home so The Hubby can take the car to work. We are lucky in that manner.
Thankfully I have my Aunt Lynn who is a huge support to The Hubby and me. She is coming by later to get me so we can run errands and have dinner. It will be so good to see her.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
Showing posts with label The Drama of Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Drama of Life. Show all posts
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Evil Women From Work!
This won’t be the nicest or most sensitive of posts that I will ever write. Please forgive me for that; I just happen to be really pissed off at the moment. I am so sick of some of these bitches that I work with. The funny thing about the situation is that the two of the worst ones are the “Christians” who are always talking about what wonderful “Christians” they are and then turn around and stab people in the back and say the UGLIEST things about people. Seriously, in less than one minute they will go from praising God for some random and stupid event (like finding a file that they had misplaced) to badmouthing their coworkers for any number of reasons.
For those who follow me on Facebook some of this will be a rehash of events over the past few weeks but I feel like I need to tell the whole story in order to really be able to let go.
One of the women that I am referring to was a “best friend”. I will refer to her as Y. She is a single mom with 4 wonderful kids. Due to the fact that she is a single mom (and that she is manipulative beyond belief) my husband and I began to help her out when we could. We spent about $1,000 on them at Christmas, buying the children a Nintendo Wii and her a Coach bag. Then the oldest made the drill team at school which was $800. Due to the fact that Y is a single mom with four kids she could not afford to pay that kind of money for extracurricular activities, my husband and I paid for that because Y’s daughter is a great kid and does well in school. Plus, I am a firm believer that the more involved kids are in extracurricular activities at school the less trouble they will get into.
Things started to go down hill with Y during this time. I guess part of the reason is that I was starting to spend more time with her and see who she really was. Being at her house was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me because of the way she would yell and scream at the children, even with me present. Then she constantly griped to me about what a problem the oldest child was and how horrible she was. When I would ask Y about what was going on, Y would say that the oldest was just disrespectful and talked back to her all of the time. This just didn’t seem to be a good enough reason to bad mouth your own daughter in the way that Y did. She then started to threaten to take the oldest out of drill team even after my husband and I had paid so much money for her to be in it. This became a weekly drama, kind of like an on again off again relationship. The drama was just never ending. Again, the only reason behind Y wanting to take the oldest off of the drill team was because she was being disrespectful. She wasn’t failing school, sneaking out, getting in trouble at school, stealing, or getting in trouble with the law. I tried my best to remind myself that these were Y’s kids and she has the right to raise them the way she wants, but we had talked about this with her before we paid all of the money for the oldest to be on drill team. We had told Y that this was a big commitment for us and we didn’t want her to take the oldest off of drill team as punishment (unless it was for failing school, which the school would kick her off the team automatically) and she agreed.
Next came the parent meetings and fundraisers that Y expected me to do. Really? I just forked over $800 but she can’t go to a parent meeting or do the fundraisers (which simply include selling concessions at football games and dance shows). I finally told her this last weekend that I would not be doing the meetings and fundraisers and that I felt her expectations of me doing so were overwhelming.
The last straw was when she had made a comment about the kid’s cell phones being turned off because the bill was due. She made the comment that she couldn’t pay it. My hubby and I talked about it and decided to pay it for her. This was met with a phone call from Y in which she cussed me out, yelled at me and told me that I would be reversing the payment immediately. I even took off work the next day to take care of getting the payment reversed. When I went back to work the day after that she accused me of lying to her about getting the payment reversed. Thankfully, I had the receipt from the payment reversal with me and went down to my car to get it. She then chewed me out AGAIN because I was angry with her for accusing me of lying. Sadly, it took me a while to realize that I don’t deserve to be treated this way at all!
Two weeks ago things really came to a head at work. Two of my other coworkers finally broke thier silence and we all began to compare notes and what do you know? She is a manipulative, back stabbing, bad mouthing, lying Bitch! She had told my coworkers that the day things went down about the phone bill she was reprimanding me because I was disrespectful to our boss! That is soooooo laughable for anyone who truly knows me. Plus, Y has no right to reprimand me in any way, shape or form since she is below me on the totem poll at work (I don’t like looking at things like that because I think what we all do is important, I don’t care if you are the janitor or CEO, but I am angry and trying to make a point so please forgive). She was also telling people that I am always sneaking food at my desk and that my drawers at work are full of food that I sneak through out the day. All of this is really funny since I don’t keep ANY food at my desk and I don’t ever sneak around and eat. She knew this would hurt me though because she knows I am self conscious about my weight. Though she shouldn’t be talking because she isn’t thin either and hides food from her kids and sneaks around eating it so she doesn’t have to share with them.
The things she said about my coworkers were unforgivable though. Y was spreading rumors about one coworker (I will call her A) saying that the A’s husband was sleeping with someone else and even had a love child with that woman. I was shocked to hear this because there appeared to be nothing amiss with A. Y continued to bad mouth that coworker saying that A was fake and was just trying to save face because A thought she was better than everybody else. Come to find out it wasn’t A’s husband that had been cheating it was Y’s husband who had cheated on her and had a baby with another woman.
Everything kind of blew up this past Friday. I wasn’t at work because my cousin had come into town. I had not seen her in 20 years and she was coming to see her sister (my other cousin Gwen) due to her recent cervical cancer diagnosis. Anyway, Y proceeded to call me 9 times, text me 3 times and PM me once through Facebook. Can we say psycho? She said she didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be her friend anymore and that she didn’t have time to talk about anyone behind their back because she was dealing with breast cancer. Now, to be honest, none of us at work really believe her about having breast cancer. Even if it is true, I am still not going to be your friend out of pity. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit and I have to take it. Plus she needs to learn the right way to treat people. Besides, if you’re an island you don’t go around burning bridges!
It’s sad though because I really think Y is just miserable and jealous. She resents her oldest daughter because she had her at such a young age. She resents the fact that A and I both have good men who love us. She resents my other coworker because she is single and not tied down by 4 children. She resents me and my hubby because we are able to spoil ourselves because we don’t have the financial responsibility of 4 children.
Now Y is all chummy with the other “Christian” at work (I will call her Q), who she used to bad mouth all of the time for being a fake Christian. Such a sick mess of people really. I am so tired of it. It is to the point now that I just want to vomit every time I see their face or hear their voice. Now I just ignore them to the best of my ability. Sometimes it is hard though.
One of my coworkers told me today that Q was talking to Y the other day and badmouthing me because I took all of the pics I had of Y’s kids down from my cubicle. Q said something snide about the fact that I have more pics of dogs up in my cubicle than I do of people. Yep, I do, and both Y and Q are the reasons I sometimes prefer dogs over people. Seriously, who would you rather spend your time with, Y and Q or my sweet Skittle, Budddy, Tuggy or Jazzy? Hell, I would rather spend time with a rabid dog than Y and Q!
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
For those who follow me on Facebook some of this will be a rehash of events over the past few weeks but I feel like I need to tell the whole story in order to really be able to let go.
One of the women that I am referring to was a “best friend”. I will refer to her as Y. She is a single mom with 4 wonderful kids. Due to the fact that she is a single mom (and that she is manipulative beyond belief) my husband and I began to help her out when we could. We spent about $1,000 on them at Christmas, buying the children a Nintendo Wii and her a Coach bag. Then the oldest made the drill team at school which was $800. Due to the fact that Y is a single mom with four kids she could not afford to pay that kind of money for extracurricular activities, my husband and I paid for that because Y’s daughter is a great kid and does well in school. Plus, I am a firm believer that the more involved kids are in extracurricular activities at school the less trouble they will get into.
Things started to go down hill with Y during this time. I guess part of the reason is that I was starting to spend more time with her and see who she really was. Being at her house was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me because of the way she would yell and scream at the children, even with me present. Then she constantly griped to me about what a problem the oldest child was and how horrible she was. When I would ask Y about what was going on, Y would say that the oldest was just disrespectful and talked back to her all of the time. This just didn’t seem to be a good enough reason to bad mouth your own daughter in the way that Y did. She then started to threaten to take the oldest out of drill team even after my husband and I had paid so much money for her to be in it. This became a weekly drama, kind of like an on again off again relationship. The drama was just never ending. Again, the only reason behind Y wanting to take the oldest off of the drill team was because she was being disrespectful. She wasn’t failing school, sneaking out, getting in trouble at school, stealing, or getting in trouble with the law. I tried my best to remind myself that these were Y’s kids and she has the right to raise them the way she wants, but we had talked about this with her before we paid all of the money for the oldest to be on drill team. We had told Y that this was a big commitment for us and we didn’t want her to take the oldest off of drill team as punishment (unless it was for failing school, which the school would kick her off the team automatically) and she agreed.
Next came the parent meetings and fundraisers that Y expected me to do. Really? I just forked over $800 but she can’t go to a parent meeting or do the fundraisers (which simply include selling concessions at football games and dance shows). I finally told her this last weekend that I would not be doing the meetings and fundraisers and that I felt her expectations of me doing so were overwhelming.
The last straw was when she had made a comment about the kid’s cell phones being turned off because the bill was due. She made the comment that she couldn’t pay it. My hubby and I talked about it and decided to pay it for her. This was met with a phone call from Y in which she cussed me out, yelled at me and told me that I would be reversing the payment immediately. I even took off work the next day to take care of getting the payment reversed. When I went back to work the day after that she accused me of lying to her about getting the payment reversed. Thankfully, I had the receipt from the payment reversal with me and went down to my car to get it. She then chewed me out AGAIN because I was angry with her for accusing me of lying. Sadly, it took me a while to realize that I don’t deserve to be treated this way at all!
Two weeks ago things really came to a head at work. Two of my other coworkers finally broke thier silence and we all began to compare notes and what do you know? She is a manipulative, back stabbing, bad mouthing, lying Bitch! She had told my coworkers that the day things went down about the phone bill she was reprimanding me because I was disrespectful to our boss! That is soooooo laughable for anyone who truly knows me. Plus, Y has no right to reprimand me in any way, shape or form since she is below me on the totem poll at work (I don’t like looking at things like that because I think what we all do is important, I don’t care if you are the janitor or CEO, but I am angry and trying to make a point so please forgive). She was also telling people that I am always sneaking food at my desk and that my drawers at work are full of food that I sneak through out the day. All of this is really funny since I don’t keep ANY food at my desk and I don’t ever sneak around and eat. She knew this would hurt me though because she knows I am self conscious about my weight. Though she shouldn’t be talking because she isn’t thin either and hides food from her kids and sneaks around eating it so she doesn’t have to share with them.
The things she said about my coworkers were unforgivable though. Y was spreading rumors about one coworker (I will call her A) saying that the A’s husband was sleeping with someone else and even had a love child with that woman. I was shocked to hear this because there appeared to be nothing amiss with A. Y continued to bad mouth that coworker saying that A was fake and was just trying to save face because A thought she was better than everybody else. Come to find out it wasn’t A’s husband that had been cheating it was Y’s husband who had cheated on her and had a baby with another woman.
Everything kind of blew up this past Friday. I wasn’t at work because my cousin had come into town. I had not seen her in 20 years and she was coming to see her sister (my other cousin Gwen) due to her recent cervical cancer diagnosis. Anyway, Y proceeded to call me 9 times, text me 3 times and PM me once through Facebook. Can we say psycho? She said she didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be her friend anymore and that she didn’t have time to talk about anyone behind their back because she was dealing with breast cancer. Now, to be honest, none of us at work really believe her about having breast cancer. Even if it is true, I am still not going to be your friend out of pity. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit and I have to take it. Plus she needs to learn the right way to treat people. Besides, if you’re an island you don’t go around burning bridges!
It’s sad though because I really think Y is just miserable and jealous. She resents her oldest daughter because she had her at such a young age. She resents the fact that A and I both have good men who love us. She resents my other coworker because she is single and not tied down by 4 children. She resents me and my hubby because we are able to spoil ourselves because we don’t have the financial responsibility of 4 children.
Now Y is all chummy with the other “Christian” at work (I will call her Q), who she used to bad mouth all of the time for being a fake Christian. Such a sick mess of people really. I am so tired of it. It is to the point now that I just want to vomit every time I see their face or hear their voice. Now I just ignore them to the best of my ability. Sometimes it is hard though.
One of my coworkers told me today that Q was talking to Y the other day and badmouthing me because I took all of the pics I had of Y’s kids down from my cubicle. Q said something snide about the fact that I have more pics of dogs up in my cubicle than I do of people. Yep, I do, and both Y and Q are the reasons I sometimes prefer dogs over people. Seriously, who would you rather spend your time with, Y and Q or my sweet Skittle, Budddy, Tuggy or Jazzy? Hell, I would rather spend time with a rabid dog than Y and Q!
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Lessons
One thing that I believe is that every bad circumstance we find ourselves in has a lesson to teach us. With that said, I am trying to figure out what lesson I am meant to learn from the situation I spoke about earlier regarding my coworker. This can be hard because often times the lessons we have to learn are not always easy to swallow. Sometimes we learn things about ourselves that we didn’t really want to know. At this particular moment I am unsure what the lesson of this circumstance is, but I am willing and determined to figure out what it is. No matter how hard the lesson may be to swallow at least it will turn this bad situation into something positive, because if you have learned something from a bad experience then you have turned it into something positive. There is nothing better and more important than knowledge.
This is the first time I have made a pointed effort to learn whatever lesson I feel the universe is trying to teach me, so I am really unsure of how to advance the process. Usually, I give little thought to it and simply wait for something to suddenly dawn on me, but I realize that is the lazy way of going about learning anything.
In order to proceed in the process I guess I could start by asking myself what I could have done differently. There are always many things that one can find in hindsight that should not have been done or should have been done in a different way. My first mistake is one I now realize I often make; I quickly become overly involved with friends. Things in this situation seemed to have happened overnight leaving me startled awake the next morning and groggy throughout the next day then blinded by the sun of truth. It’s not clear to me yet, why I jumped into this situation so fast.
Another thing that has struck me is that I have a bit of a need to “save people”. Whether it is for selfish or unselfish reasons I am unsure. I suspect it is probably for both. Part of it also stems from the fear and belief I have that I am completely unlovable and worthless, so if anyone is ever going to have anything to do with me I am going to have to “be the hero” and “save them” or “buy their love”.
One thing that I did figure out today is that not caring or at least pretending not to care is going to be the best way to handle the situation. Simply shutting down on this person seems to be bothering her more that if I had gotten all upset and in her face, plus it’s simply the more mature way to act.
I plan to continue learning as many lessons as this situation will teach me. That seems the best way to turn this negative situation into a positive one.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
This is the first time I have made a pointed effort to learn whatever lesson I feel the universe is trying to teach me, so I am really unsure of how to advance the process. Usually, I give little thought to it and simply wait for something to suddenly dawn on me, but I realize that is the lazy way of going about learning anything.
In order to proceed in the process I guess I could start by asking myself what I could have done differently. There are always many things that one can find in hindsight that should not have been done or should have been done in a different way. My first mistake is one I now realize I often make; I quickly become overly involved with friends. Things in this situation seemed to have happened overnight leaving me startled awake the next morning and groggy throughout the next day then blinded by the sun of truth. It’s not clear to me yet, why I jumped into this situation so fast.
Another thing that has struck me is that I have a bit of a need to “save people”. Whether it is for selfish or unselfish reasons I am unsure. I suspect it is probably for both. Part of it also stems from the fear and belief I have that I am completely unlovable and worthless, so if anyone is ever going to have anything to do with me I am going to have to “be the hero” and “save them” or “buy their love”.
One thing that I did figure out today is that not caring or at least pretending not to care is going to be the best way to handle the situation. Simply shutting down on this person seems to be bothering her more that if I had gotten all upset and in her face, plus it’s simply the more mature way to act.
I plan to continue learning as many lessons as this situation will teach me. That seems the best way to turn this negative situation into a positive one.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Scarcely Functioning, Hurt and Angry
I am not sure what is going on but I am barely hanging on. Last night and the night before did not prove to be restful in the least. My mind has been cloudy lately and today is really bad. Irritability is at an all time high as well. Productivity is low. I am accomplishing almost nothing at work which is especially irritating because I had a few months that were really good and got caught up, and even a bit ahead on things, but now I am behind and completely lost and overwhelmed. There’s not even enough concentration or focus for me to read, which is really scary. Currently I have about 5 books that I am dying to read but I can’t even get through a few pages.
Then, this afternoon I find out that this woman that I WAS “friends” with at work has been saying some of the ugliest things behind my back, and even lied and said that I was saying bad things about the boss and being disrespectful to the boss. This is all after my hubby and I spent well over $800 for her daughter to be on the drill team, at least $500 for their Christmas, and even more $ on random items for the kids. I even gave her a Coach purse (yes a real one)! What is worse is that she is still expecting me to do the fundraising so that when her daughter’s drill team goes to competition later in the year she won’t have to pay for the trip. If the parents (or in this case the unlucky folks who have been taken advantage of) do the fundraisers then they don’t have to pay for the trip.
So let me get this straight. We pay for your daughter to be on drill team but you can’t even get off of your butt and work concessions at 5 football games so that your daughter can go to competition?
Then there’s the time I paid a cell phone bill for her and she proceeded to yell, scream and cuss at me for not asking her about it first. I realize that I should have asked her, but I did NOT deserve to be talked to the way she talked to me. I even took off of work the next day to go and get the money refunded and then she accused me of not doing “what she told me to do”. Newsflash, I am not one of her children. You don’t get to tell me what to do or boss me around.
I am so hurt and angry about this, and I feel so used. How can people be so mean and heartless? I have done nothing but try and help her and help her kids. To make things even worse is her cubicle is right next to mine so I am almost forced to interact with her daily. It makes me sick. At least I am not the only one she has been screwing over. I found out that she has been taking advantage of the other girls at work and stabbing them in the back as well, so I am trying not to take it personally. Plus, she has admitted to hearing voices and has said several times that other members in her family have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder, so I am also going to chalk a lot of it up to mental instability.
Something has got to give. I am tired, hurt and falling apart.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
Then, this afternoon I find out that this woman that I WAS “friends” with at work has been saying some of the ugliest things behind my back, and even lied and said that I was saying bad things about the boss and being disrespectful to the boss. This is all after my hubby and I spent well over $800 for her daughter to be on the drill team, at least $500 for their Christmas, and even more $ on random items for the kids. I even gave her a Coach purse (yes a real one)! What is worse is that she is still expecting me to do the fundraising so that when her daughter’s drill team goes to competition later in the year she won’t have to pay for the trip. If the parents (or in this case the unlucky folks who have been taken advantage of) do the fundraisers then they don’t have to pay for the trip.
So let me get this straight. We pay for your daughter to be on drill team but you can’t even get off of your butt and work concessions at 5 football games so that your daughter can go to competition?
Then there’s the time I paid a cell phone bill for her and she proceeded to yell, scream and cuss at me for not asking her about it first. I realize that I should have asked her, but I did NOT deserve to be talked to the way she talked to me. I even took off of work the next day to go and get the money refunded and then she accused me of not doing “what she told me to do”. Newsflash, I am not one of her children. You don’t get to tell me what to do or boss me around.
I am so hurt and angry about this, and I feel so used. How can people be so mean and heartless? I have done nothing but try and help her and help her kids. To make things even worse is her cubicle is right next to mine so I am almost forced to interact with her daily. It makes me sick. At least I am not the only one she has been screwing over. I found out that she has been taking advantage of the other girls at work and stabbing them in the back as well, so I am trying not to take it personally. Plus, she has admitted to hearing voices and has said several times that other members in her family have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder, so I am also going to chalk a lot of it up to mental instability.
Something has got to give. I am tired, hurt and falling apart.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!
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