Sunday, November 7, 2010

Graduate School Admissions Process ARGGGG!!!!!

I have decided to start graduate school in order to get my Master's in Social Work. I got the good news that I have not passed the deadline for the Spring Semester but I only have until Friday to get everything in. This is not a simple application that you just have to fill out and turn in. It requires an essay, matriculation plan, resume, 3 recomendations to the program and several other forms. I am having a full blown anxiety attack...heart pounding, stomach in knots, chest tight, feel like I may throw up or pass out. I want this so bad and I am so scared I won't get accepted. I have the resume completed exept for hours of profreading....there can be NO mistakes, none. I just started on the essay and have the first paragraph...but I have 5 more pages to go. Tomorrow I have to go and get started on getting official transcripts together. UGH! I though writing this would help, but it's not.
I will keep everyone posted.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Outpatient Group Therapy and Broke Down Truck

I have a ton of blogging to do. I have really slacked off this month. Since October 18 I have been in an outpatient program. It is much better than the other outpatient program that I have attended in the past but there is something that is still not clicking for me. I am putting forth effort and I am talking and opening up in group, even about issues that I had swore I wouldn’t talk about in a group setting, but feel stuck. It feels like I am missing the “fix” or “cure”. Now don’t get me wrong. I am fully aware that it’s not as easy as writing a prescription. The therapist can’t simply say “do a jig, jump up and down ten times, and recite the serenity prayer in a childlike voice” and then poof, I am cured, but I just feel like all we are doing is figuring out why we are fucked up and then not really spending time on the techniques needed to un-fuck up ourselves. Plus, I have never been completely sold on the group therapy concept, especially when it is the only form of therapy. I really feel like I need to be seeing a therapist one on one at least twice a week right now, but they ask that you don’t see any outside therapists of psychiatrists while in the program (what are we going steady?). This is something that I am going to have to talk to them about on Monday. I either need more out of this relationship or I am going to have to start seeing other people.
Of course there have been some med changes. I am now on Pristiq for depression instead of Lexapro. It is too soon to tell if it is working. My primary care physician also raised my thyroid medication a bit because the levels were a bit off. Maybe that will help with my energy level as well.
There hasn’t been any news regarding my short term disability. I am really trying not to stress about it, which is hard. To make matters worse, The Hubby’s truck broke down on Tuesday and he hasn’t been able to get it fixed. He has done a lot of work to it and can’t seem to find the problem. Of course it broke down at work which is an hour away from the house so he had to have it towed home which was expensive. He and his buddies at work did some work to it in the parking lot and thought they got it running but it broke down about two miles away in the middle of the road and there was no shoulder either. I was scared to death The Hubby was going to get run over. That was a really stressful night. So for the moment we are down to only one car and we are broke thanks to towing expenses and the money we have sunk into trying to fix the truck. It is actually good that I am not working right now because we can’t make our work schedules work with only one car, but I do get out of the outpatient program I am in early enough to get home so The Hubby can take the car to work. We are lucky in that manner.
Thankfully I have my Aunt Lynn who is a huge support to The Hubby and me. She is coming by later to get me so we can run errands and have dinner. It will be so good to see her.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Thursday, October 21, 2010


The outpatient program is going well. This program is much better than the other program that I have been in the past 3 times I was hospitalized. It is more intensive, but I am very happy about that. My blogging is taking a back seat mainly because I am journaling so much. Journaling has always been helpful for me even in middle school and high school, but I don't always take the time to do it now that I am an adult. I let life get in the way too easily. The therapist in charge of the program is almost insistent that we journal so I have really been getting back into the habit. It is so very helpful and important. I am going to have to make myself keep it up.

As far as medication goes my doctor put me on Pristiq for my depression. We will see how that goes.

I turned in my paperwork for my short term disability today. This is something that has been a big source of anxiety for me. Hopefully things will go well. I have plenty of people in my court. My psychiatrist, therapist, and the people at the outpatient clinic. Surely that will be enough to give the insurance company what they want. We will see.

I am sure my spelling and grammar is off today. Sorry.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wear Purple 10/20/2010 in Support of LGBT teens!

The following is from the Spirit Day Facebook Page:
"On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the LGBT youth who have committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and schools.
PURPLE represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality."

For those who are not from the USA we have recently had a rash of teen and young adult suicides due to bullying. Many were bullied due to their sexuality. THIS MUST STOP!!!! This is just one small way to show your support for the LGBT community and to stand up to bullies of all kinds.

Also, check out the Love Is Louder campaign.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Leave of Absence

My leave of absence from work started yesterday. The only thing I have left to do is battle with the insurance company regarding my Short Term Disability which will cover 60% of my salary while I am off. I am guessing this is going to be a battle.
Monday I have an appointment for admissions/enrollment in an outpatient program that my insurance is supposed to cover 100% which is absolutely remarkable. It is a women’s program and I am really looking forward to that. Dealing with my self esteem issues is hard enough but throw a bunch of men into the room with me and I just shut down completely. So I am hoping this program may be more helpful and fruitful than the other outpatient program I have attended the last 3 times I have gone. Anxiety is high but I am feeling pretty positive overall.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, October 9, 2010


There have been a lot of things happening this past week. I will be taking a leave of absence from work. Last week I spoke with my psychiatrist, therapist, HR director at work, my boss, and of course The Hubby and things are slowly falling into place. My boss was nothing but supportive and was not judgmental in the least. There is a great program that I will be enrolling in during my time off. It is sort of an outpatient program that is only for women. From the research I have done I think this will be better than the outpatient program I have attended in the past. The best part is that I spoke with the person who handles the insurance for the program and she said my insurance covers the program costs 100%. I was speechless when she said this and actually made her check again just to make sure. This next week will be focused on getting the FMLA paperwork done and wrapping up things at work. My appointment for assessment and enrollment in the program is a week from this coming Monday. I am having some anxiety about everything and I get completely overwhelmed at times but everyone is being very helpful and supportive. I am very lucky.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

What Not To Say To Me When I Am Depressed

There are many things that people say to me when I am in the depths of depression that not only don’t help, but sometimes make things worse. Here are a few:

Watch a funny movie, go out and have some fun, do something nice for yourself.

Think positive thoughts. Be more positive. Don’t be so negative.

Grin and bear it. Just smile more.

It’s all in your head.

Are you taking your medications?

Just snap out of it. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You just need a good kick in the butt.

This too shall pass.

Try losing some weight. (Not only does this make it worse but it also has the potential to make a person violent) I am not an imbecile and this is not a new concept for me. I have been trying to lose weight my whole life.

The worst by far is when people say things like “You have so much to be grateful for,” or “When you get depressed just think of all of those who are less fortunate than you.” This seems like a logical solution but the problem for me is that then leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt. Plus, just because I am depressed doesn’t mean I am ungrateful for what I have. I have written before about the Gratitude Perspective and I am a firm believer in it, but when I am in the depths of depression, guilt and feelings of worthlessness begin to boil and come to the surface when I look around me and take note of all of the things I have to be grateful for. Why was I lucky enough to be born in an amazing country where I have access to education, medical care, food, and clean running water when so many other people were born in the worst conditions known to humanity? Why was I lucky enough to end up with an amazingly supportive husband when there are women who are abused or ignored by their husbands? I am no better than those who are less fortunate than me. I am no more deserving of what I have than those who have less than what I do.

Now, for those of you reading my blog who might be feeling bad because you have said these things to me in the past I completely understand that you said these things out of love and a genuine intent to help, so don’t feel bad or guilty. I realize in some ways I am “preaching to the choir” but it helps to vent my frustration even if the message is not reaching the audience who most needs to hear it. Just think of this as a public service announcement of sorts. I am also interested to see what some other folks who deal with depression find unhelpful and frustrating.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I am starting to think a leave of absence from work may be necessary. My therapist and I spent my whole session today discussing my depression and the benefits of me taking leave. I was hoping that once the drama with The Hubby’s mom calmed down that I would feel better, but I don’t. I seem to just be getting worse. I don’t think I have worked a full work week in over a month. When I am at work I can’t function. When I am at home I can’t function either. Taking a shower or brushing my hair is overwhelming. Getting dressed takes all of the metal effort I have. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I don’t even read much anymore. I am rarely online and my blog is slow going. I don’t want to shop and I don’t want to go to the bookstore. I don’t want to go anywhere but I don’t want to be at home either. Sleeping is the only thing I find enjoyable and that isn’t even the right word because I don’t really enjoy it, it just allows me an escape. I just don’t want to stress The Hubby out anymore than he is already stressed. I go see my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon and I will see what she thinks. Maybe that will help me make up my mind. I still haven’t gotten the courage to talk to my boss yet. That really scares me and drains me of all of my energy just thinking about it.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Too Much Going On

I am at the hospital with my mother in law. My stress level is extremely high. The Hubby is exhausted with working overtime and coming to the hospital after work. I worry about him. Our relationship with his family has always been shaky so these times add extra stress. His mother is not well and is currently living with The Hubby's grandparents, which is not a good situtation becasue both The Hubby's mom and grandfather require constant care by his grandmother. I don't know what we are going to do, but something has to be done. His grandmother is taking care of both of them and she doesn't need to keep doing so. Moving his mother in with us is not the answer because I am not stable enough to take care of anyone and I would be the one taking care of her because The Hubby is the major bread winner in the home. Plus, I think she needs professional care. She is too sick for non medical personell to be taking care of her.
I had my first therapy session with my new therapist today. It went well and I really like her. Things got off to a rough start because the office was in chaos when I arrived because someone didn't show up for work. The therapist was late getting to me because she didn't even know I was there. I was getting anxious while waiting and almost left but I stayed and I am glad I did. There was quite a bit of internal struggle about going at all because I have had maybe 6 hours sleep in the past 3 nights due to The Hubby's family being at our house and his mother being in the hospital so I almost blew the appointment off in leiu of sleep. I was proud of myself for reasoning myself into going because I realized I wouldn't actually sleep if I blew the appointment off so I made myself go. I must admit though that I didn't get a shower in and my hair is unbrushed and in a pony tail. I pray that I don't look or smell offensive.
A leave of absence from work may be in my future because I feel myself spiraling downhill. I don't have much vacation and sick time at work but I do have FMLA and short term disability, but I don't know what that covers. Trying to go through the channels of finding out overwhelms me, which is probably another sign that I need to do it. Sadly, I haven't even had a chance to talk with The Hubby about this yet. He is always supportive, so I am not worried about that, I just don't want to stress him out more. Of course pushing myself until I am back in the hospital again would certainly stress him out, so maybe a leave of absence would be best for all. I just hate doing it. The other issue is that my boss would end up finding out that I am crazy. I know there are laws and stuff but it will be obvious when my paper work comes from a psychiatrist. I dread them finding out. Honestly, I know my boss would be understanding but still...

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Homeless Gentelman and His Dog

The Hubby and I were on our way home from dinner last night when I spotted a homeless gentleman and his dog walking on the side of the highway. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that gets to me more than a homeless person and their dog. Due to the fact that we are involved in dog rescue we usually have dog food in our car at all times. Thankfully, last night was no exception. As with all of my attempt at good deeds lately, I came very close to screwing this one up as well. When we first spotted the gentleman and his dog they were on the opposite side of the highway so I had to exit the highway and turn around. By the time we got back to where we saw him they had disappeared. After a few minutes of looking and going up and down the highway we were able to find him. The Hubby was kind enough to get out and give the food to the gentleman while I stayed in the car for safety reasons. People are notorious for going 80 miles an hour down that stretch of highway and my door was to the side of traffic. I watched as The Hubby greeted the gentleman and his dog. Both were kind and excited to meet The Hubby. The sweet doggy jumped up and said hello and The Hubby gave him some petting and loving. The gentleman shook The Hubby’s hand and thanked him for the food and the measly $8 we had in cash. I am sad that there are no shelters in the Dallas/Fort Worth area for homeless people and their pets. This made me wonder if there were any shelters at all like that in the country. Oddly enough when we got home I was watching Pit Boss on Animal Planet and the show was about that exact subject. The Pit Bull rescue was doing a blanket drive for a shelter that specifically shelters those who are homeless and have pets. This of course was in Los Angeles, but it made me feel a tiny bit better that somewhere there is a place for these amazing folks who have so little and chose to share what little they have with a dog who is most likely their only companion in life, and possibly the only live being who gives them unconditional love, friendship, joy, comfort, and respect.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Just Because I Don't Believe In The Bible

Just because I don’t believe in the Bible or in God doesn’t mean I am a bad person or that I have no morals. I don’t believe in murder, I hate to see others hurt or in pain, I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, I am faithful to my husband, I do my best to help those in need and have even made it my life’s work…I just don’t need a deity or a holy book to tell me I have to do all of those things. I choose to do them on my own. I also don’t need the threat of hell, horrific afterlives, or bad karma to make me “do the right thing”. This is a choice I make on my own without coercion or threat from religion and other organized belief systems. Am I perfect? Not by a long shot. Is my imperfection due to a lack of religion? No, it’s due to being human.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Not Much Better

I got some really good sleep last night so that has helped my mental stability a little bit but not a lot. At least it is some improvement. Of course, I am off of work today so that means I have skirted my responsibilities and am not fully functioning.

My husband got the carpet pulled up in our bedroom and painted the floor. While this is something that we have wanted to do for years now it means our house is in disarray, even more so than normal. This has me highly stressed out. The bed is in the living room, the dresser in the master bathroom, the night stands are in the hallway, the clothes are in the dinning room. I am about to lose my mind. My aunt has done so much to help us get the house in order and now it feels like the house is back to where we started. I pray that once the bedroom gets put back together and I no longer have bedroom furniture strewn all over the house I will start to feel better.

I also saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she raised my antidepressant dosage. Next week I will also start therapy again. It worries me a little because it is one other thing on my plate. Obviously, it is completely necessary so I will have to make it work.

Tonight I am meeting with a lady who is interested in adopting Shandy. I really need this to work out. She is impossible around Kya and it is not fair to Kya. We also really need a break. Having 6 dogs in the house is completely overwhelming. I feel so guilty for taking a break, but I am close to falling apart.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Falling Apart

Well Kya went to the vet today. I wanted her to have a check up because she has been having chronic diarrhea for the past month. The lady that we got her from had her on Albon and some probiotics with only minimal results. We were informed by the vet that chronic diarrhea in cats is the hardest thing to diagnose and treat. I find this a bit overwhelming and it breaks my heart for our little Kya. A fecal exam was done and was negative but he gave her a dewormer anyway because he was not able to get a whole lot for the fecal exam and he said that sometimes there can be bad stuff in the upper GI tract that doesn’t show up in the fecal. The vet also prescribed and anti diarrhea medication (Pro-Pectalin Gel), a prescription diet for sensitive stomachs (EN Purina). I pray this gives us some results.

One of our foster dogs, Shandy, is about to drive me crazy as well. She just won’t give Kya a minutes rest. We have been in the process of getting her adopted but it won’t happen overnight and it’s never a guarantee that the adoption won’t fall through at the last minute. It’s not as simple as moving her to another foster home either because the group is low on foster homes. We are unsure of the best way to handle the situation because this is the only dog in the house that can jump a baby gate so that doesn't help to keep Shandy contained. Shandy means no harm at all. She just wants to play but that doesn’t make Kya feel any better. Kya was around dogs her whole life, but Shandy is a little over bearing. There is an extra bedroom in our house that is vacant and we have turned it into Kya’s Room, but I don’t want her separated from me at all. Keeping the foster sequestered is hard because she barks incessantly and it stresses both Kya and me out. I am trying to find comfort in the fact that this situation is not going to last forever because Shandy will be adopted eventually, but I am impatient and want Kya to be able to get used to her new home.

This leads me into another issue. We have made the hard decision to quit fostering for a little while once these two fosters have been adopted or moved. This isn’t a permanent change and we will continue to do transport and other volunteer work, but our pack needs a break and I need a break. We tried to take a break earlier this year but the guilt got to me and I gave in and ended up with two fosters. I am hoping I can stick to the plan better this time.

My mental health feels like it is faltering. My stress level is through the roof, focus is non existent, and I am starting to not function well. I called in sick to work today and already called in for tomorrow too. I feel like I am starting to fall apart. I hate this. With my aunt’s help I am finally getting my house in order but I am starting to fall apart in every other way. That is always my problem. I can’t seem to get more than one thing in order at a time. These are the times I begin to hate myself.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

More Kya Pics!

Kya is doing well. She slept under the covers last night all warm and toasty. Isn't she beautiful!?

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Introducing Kya!!!!!!!!

Introducing Princess Kya! Kya is a 5 year old Sphynx. Recently Kya’s family fell apart leaving her and her Sphynx brothers and sisters in need of a new family. Thankfully her owner, who had showed and bred her for many years, turned her over to another breeder who agreed to find them good and loving homes. My hubby and I got lucky enough to hear about Kya (Thank you Laura and Brandon) and went and met her today and instantly fell in love. We are so thankful for Rhonda (the breeder that agreed to find the orphaned cats homes) and her efforts to make sure these babies found homes.

Kya has been having some tummy troubles lately so she will be at the vet first thing Monday morning. Rhonda has been working hard to try and get this cleared up and it has gotten better, but we all feel that another vet visit is called for. Plus, she still needs to be spayed. There will be no more breeding for this precious girl! Her working days are over!

For those that are not familiar with the Sphynx breed, they are indeed hairless. Many people think they look funny or ugly, but my hubby and I happen to think they are very unique, exotic, and beautiful. So if you happen to think she is ugly or weird looking kindly keep your opinion to yourself. Sphynx kitties are also VERY loving and loyal and have amazing personalities. They are highly intelligent and easier to train than other breeds. Another great quality is that they are a hearty breed without a whole lot of health problems that sometimes plague other breeds.

Here are a few professional pictures that were taken at one of the many cat shows she has done. Rhonda was kind enough to pass these along to me. I will add some more pictures soon.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Evil Women From Work!

This won’t be the nicest or most sensitive of posts that I will ever write. Please forgive me for that; I just happen to be really pissed off at the moment. I am so sick of some of these bitches that I work with. The funny thing about the situation is that the two of the worst ones are the “Christians” who are always talking about what wonderful “Christians” they are and then turn around and stab people in the back and say the UGLIEST things about people. Seriously, in less than one minute they will go from praising God for some random and stupid event (like finding a file that they had misplaced) to badmouthing their coworkers for any number of reasons.

For those who follow me on Facebook some of this will be a rehash of events over the past few weeks but I feel like I need to tell the whole story in order to really be able to let go.

One of the women that I am referring to was a “best friend”. I will refer to her as Y. She is a single mom with 4 wonderful kids. Due to the fact that she is a single mom (and that she is manipulative beyond belief) my husband and I began to help her out when we could. We spent about $1,000 on them at Christmas, buying the children a Nintendo Wii and her a Coach bag. Then the oldest made the drill team at school which was $800. Due to the fact that Y is a single mom with four kids she could not afford to pay that kind of money for extracurricular activities, my husband and I paid for that because Y’s daughter is a great kid and does well in school. Plus, I am a firm believer that the more involved kids are in extracurricular activities at school the less trouble they will get into.

Things started to go down hill with Y during this time. I guess part of the reason is that I was starting to spend more time with her and see who she really was. Being at her house was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me because of the way she would yell and scream at the children, even with me present. Then she constantly griped to me about what a problem the oldest child was and how horrible she was. When I would ask Y about what was going on, Y would say that the oldest was just disrespectful and talked back to her all of the time. This just didn’t seem to be a good enough reason to bad mouth your own daughter in the way that Y did. She then started to threaten to take the oldest out of drill team even after my husband and I had paid so much money for her to be in it. This became a weekly drama, kind of like an on again off again relationship. The drama was just never ending. Again, the only reason behind Y wanting to take the oldest off of the drill team was because she was being disrespectful. She wasn’t failing school, sneaking out, getting in trouble at school, stealing, or getting in trouble with the law. I tried my best to remind myself that these were Y’s kids and she has the right to raise them the way she wants, but we had talked about this with her before we paid all of the money for the oldest to be on drill team. We had told Y that this was a big commitment for us and we didn’t want her to take the oldest off of drill team as punishment (unless it was for failing school, which the school would kick her off the team automatically) and she agreed.

Next came the parent meetings and fundraisers that Y expected me to do. Really? I just forked over $800 but she can’t go to a parent meeting or do the fundraisers (which simply include selling concessions at football games and dance shows). I finally told her this last weekend that I would not be doing the meetings and fundraisers and that I felt her expectations of me doing so were overwhelming.

The last straw was when she had made a comment about the kid’s cell phones being turned off because the bill was due. She made the comment that she couldn’t pay it. My hubby and I talked about it and decided to pay it for her. This was met with a phone call from Y in which she cussed me out, yelled at me and told me that I would be reversing the payment immediately. I even took off work the next day to take care of getting the payment reversed. When I went back to work the day after that she accused me of lying to her about getting the payment reversed. Thankfully, I had the receipt from the payment reversal with me and went down to my car to get it. She then chewed me out AGAIN because I was angry with her for accusing me of lying. Sadly, it took me a while to realize that I don’t deserve to be treated this way at all!

Two weeks ago things really came to a head at work. Two of my other coworkers finally broke thier silence and we all began to compare notes and what do you know? She is a manipulative, back stabbing, bad mouthing, lying Bitch! She had told my coworkers that the day things went down about the phone bill she was reprimanding me because I was disrespectful to our boss! That is soooooo laughable for anyone who truly knows me. Plus, Y has no right to reprimand me in any way, shape or form since she is below me on the totem poll at work (I don’t like looking at things like that because I think what we all do is important, I don’t care if you are the janitor or CEO, but I am angry and trying to make a point so please forgive). She was also telling people that I am always sneaking food at my desk and that my drawers at work are full of food that I sneak through out the day. All of this is really funny since I don’t keep ANY food at my desk and I don’t ever sneak around and eat. She knew this would hurt me though because she knows I am self conscious about my weight. Though she shouldn’t be talking because she isn’t thin either and hides food from her kids and sneaks around eating it so she doesn’t have to share with them.

The things she said about my coworkers were unforgivable though. Y was spreading rumors about one coworker (I will call her A) saying that the A’s husband was sleeping with someone else and even had a love child with that woman. I was shocked to hear this because there appeared to be nothing amiss with A. Y continued to bad mouth that coworker saying that A was fake and was just trying to save face because A thought she was better than everybody else. Come to find out it wasn’t A’s husband that had been cheating it was Y’s husband who had cheated on her and had a baby with another woman.

Everything kind of blew up this past Friday. I wasn’t at work because my cousin had come into town. I had not seen her in 20 years and she was coming to see her sister (my other cousin Gwen) due to her recent cervical cancer diagnosis. Anyway, Y proceeded to call me 9 times, text me 3 times and PM me once through Facebook. Can we say psycho? She said she didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be her friend anymore and that she didn’t have time to talk about anyone behind their back because she was dealing with breast cancer. Now, to be honest, none of us at work really believe her about having breast cancer. Even if it is true, I am still not going to be your friend out of pity. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit and I have to take it. Plus she needs to learn the right way to treat people. Besides, if you’re an island you don’t go around burning bridges!

It’s sad though because I really think Y is just miserable and jealous. She resents her oldest daughter because she had her at such a young age. She resents the fact that A and I both have good men who love us. She resents my other coworker because she is single and not tied down by 4 children. She resents me and my hubby because we are able to spoil ourselves because we don’t have the financial responsibility of 4 children.

Now Y is all chummy with the other “Christian” at work (I will call her Q), who she used to bad mouth all of the time for being a fake Christian. Such a sick mess of people really. I am so tired of it. It is to the point now that I just want to vomit every time I see their face or hear their voice. Now I just ignore them to the best of my ability. Sometimes it is hard though.

One of my coworkers told me today that Q was talking to Y the other day and badmouthing me because I took all of the pics I had of Y’s kids down from my cubicle. Q said something snide about the fact that I have more pics of dogs up in my cubicle than I do of people. Yep, I do, and both Y and Q are the reasons I sometimes prefer dogs over people. Seriously, who would you rather spend your time with, Y and Q or my sweet Skittle, Budddy, Tuggy or Jazzy? Hell, I would rather spend time with a rabid dog than Y and Q!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

So Far So Good

Well today has been going well so far. Another day of productivity at work and the day isn't even over yet. I am still experiencing a bit of a sore throat and a cough but it's getting better, not worse. Both will probably be gone by tomorrow.
It may seem pessimistic to say this, but I wish I could know how long this good phase will last before I crash and burn. When you have BPD it is inevitable that you will crash and burn as some point no matter how good you have been doing and how long you have been doing good. The most irritating part is you have no idea when that will be and how much “sanity” you have left until all reason, energy and mental wellness drains out of you. Sometimes it is a slow trickle and I feel sanity leaving a small bit at a time and I have time to prepare or prevent, but other times it’s like a dam breaks and the stability and rationality rushes out as the darkness, loneliness and insanity floods me without warning. It’s kind of like hurricanes and tornadoes. Sometimes I get warnings like you do with a hurricane, days in advance with plenty of time for preparations. Other times are like tornadoes, with only minutes or seconds of warning and I have no time to get to a stable structure. For now I will try and enjoy the good times. I sure hope they last.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Good Day - Balanced

It was an amazingly balanced and good day. For the first time in weeks I was productive at work. Then, I got some errands done on my way home. Once home I mopped my kitchen floor and cleaned up piddle on the living room floor. I sure hope this lasts! I wish I could bottle this and save it for those bad days that come and hit me like a bus. It's crazy when I compare where I am today to where I was just a week ago! I HATE BPD! I just want to be stable, to know that I can count on how I am going to function from one day to the next.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Monday, September 13, 2010

I Love My Aunt Lynn

Not a lot of time for blogging this past week. My Aunt and I are cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. My house will be in order by November. After we clean we are going to redo the floors and paint! I can’t wait. For some odd reason my Aunt LOVES this stuff and had a major talent for it as well. That gene passed me by while I was in the womb. My Aunt is a lifesaver and a Saint. There are not words to thank her for what she is doing for me.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Tiny Giraffes, They Do Exist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Riggin, the Italian Greyhound, incognito as a TINY GIRAFFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Riggin is the one of our IGCA volunteer's furbabies.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone ESPECIALLY TO RIGGIN!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Idiocy Continues

The idiocy continues. Terry Jones, the whack job of a pastor in Florida who is going to have a Koran burning party on 9/11/2010, is now whining that his constitutional rights to free speech are being denied because the ISP pulled the plug on his hate spewing and fear mongering websites. Has he been taking lessons in constitutional law from Dr. Laura? The First Amendment does not give you an inalienable right to a website, talk show, fan base, or book deal. Freedom of speech just means you have the right to say what you want, not that people have to listen to or like what you say.

The other idiotic part of the whole thing, which I touched on yesterday, is that he is burning these Korans in response to the radicals of Islam. Well in that case I will be having a Bible burning in protest of Terry Jones and Fred Phelps.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Blah, Blah, Blah

I think I will just ramble tonight. I have a lot on my mind.

Borderline Personality Disorder is still on my mind. I am still convinced that this may be what is wrong with me. Now the question is what do I do about it? Should I even bring it up with my psychiatrist? Is it going to change how she treats me? Will she even agree? Does it even matter?

My Aunt came over Monday and began helping me get my house clean and in order. There are not words for how much I appreciate this. I have been too embarrassed to ask for help for a very long time. Plus, I am not all that fond of having strangers around my dogs. My Aunt is wonderful and so nonjudgmental and loves my doggies! She even wants to help me paint and decorate! That would be doubly amazing because she has a real talent for that kind of thing and I have an amazing LACK of talent for that kind of thing.

Work is crazy. I can’t focus for the life of me and haven’t gotten a damn thing done in almost a month. The girl who was once my best friend has managed to stab almost everyone in the back and no one in my unit at work is talking to her. I am still working on my lessons for this whole situation. Oddly enough I am not near as hurt as I thought I would be. Honestly, I am more disgusted by the whole thing and I feel a bit sorry for her because it is clear that she is miserable in her life and just jealous of what we all have.

This whole Islam-hate issue is still baffling to me. Seriously, a Koran burning? Grow the fuck up. You can’t burn the holy book of an entire religion and say you are only doing it in protest of the radicals of that that religion. It would be like burning the Bible because of Fred Phelps.

There was some interesting breaking news this week. Stephen Hawkins said God did not create the universe. In other news, Sarah Palin is still an idiot and embarrassment to human kind.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Where's Waldo and Attempts at Grand Theft Auto

Can any two people be more inept at doing a good deed?

It started on Friday night when my Aunt Lynn and I were approached by a guy who needed about $14 to help him get to his mom who was in the hospital. We told the guy that we didn’t have any cash on us (which was true) but we told him we would see what we could do. He thanked us and went over to sit on the curb. My Aunt and I sat in her car for a while trying to decide what to do. We finally decided to run to the grocery store up the road and get $20 for the guy. Here comes the problem. We forgot to let the guy in on our plan so by the time we get back he was gone. Giving up is not an option, so we drive around the area for a while hoping to spot him. I have always been good at Where’s Waldo so this should be easy, right? Wrong. No luck at all. I sure hope that guy is ok, and if he was truly in need of help someone came to his rescue. That is, someone more competent than my Aunt and me.

So then on Saturday we get our 2nd chance at a good deed. We find a set of keys in the parking lot at the Southlake Town Square. The likelihood of actually finding the person is nil, but the car key is one with the remote key fob attached to the key. This should be simple right? Just drive around and press the buttons on the fob until we hear the car. Wrong again. Either the car is already gone or the key fob is dead. Our next bright idea? We notice the symbol on the key is for a Toyota so we drive around and find the Toyotas in the parking lot and try the key and see if it opens the door. I think this might qualify as Breaking and Entering or attempts at Grand Theft Auto in some places, but damn it we are going to complete at least one good deed this weekend. Again we fail. There a lot of blasted Toyotas out there! Our last ditch effort is to call the customer service number for the frequent buyer card that is on the key chain. The customer service rep was less than helpful. At this point it has been an hour and it is nearing midnight. The last of the shoppers are starting to come to their cars. We decide to follow those folks who are nearing a Toyota to see if they look distressed from having lost their keys. Ummmmm…does that qualify as stalking? Finally, we give up and go in search of a security guard and turn the keys over to him. I sure hope there wasn’t some poor young college girl leaving her waitressing job at 1:00 AM standing alone in a parking lot frantically trying to find her keys, or having to spend that night’s tips on a locksmith.

We tried, we really did. Neither of us will give up on good deeds, we just hope we get better at them!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone, Especially To The Dude In The OTB Parking Lot And The Girl Who Lost Her Keys!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I am Drunk, The Hubby is Overwhelmed but I Have the Best Aunt in the World.

I have had a bottle and a half of wine and I am not sure if I am ready to stop yet. I am also not really sure if I am ready to get better either. I have been looking into Dialectical Behavior Therapy and it seems so overwhelming and not at all in line with who I am. But isn’t that the problem? Who I am is sick, messed up, and not working. Ugh! I am so sick of being fucked up. Currently, I am too drunk to describe Dialectical Behavior Therapy, but suffice it to say it is the best therapy to help those with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is the disorder I am currently convinced that I have, and it is about practicing everything I suck at. Was that a run on sentence?

My hubby is overwhelmed. SHOCK! How has he lived with me this long and not become overwhelmed to the point of jumping off a cliff? Poor guy. He doesn’t deserve the tornado-like mess that I am. Truly, he deserves so much better. I drive my own self crazy, how have I not drove him crazy long before now. I don’t think that using “drove” was correct grammar. Haven’t I started too many sentences with “I”? Isn’t that boring and selfish?

I am currently trying to read The Buddha and the Borderline. So far I feel like and idiot and an imbecile, but I am going to keep reading it and trying. I have got to figure out a way to be less crazy and get better. There I go again, starting all of my sentences with “I”. If possible and appropriate I will try and blog about what I learn, but I make no promises.

For this moment I am enjoying the feeling of being drunk.

It occurred to me that I put in the title that I have the Best Aunt in the World, which is true, but in this drunken state I don’t think I can do her justice so I shall write more about that once I am sober.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Fox News and Thier Connection To the "Ground Zero Mosque"

The second largest holder of voting stock in News Corp (The Fox News parent company) is, drum roll please, none other than Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal. This is one of the Saudi King’s nephews and, most interestingly, a philanthropist who has given generous amounts of money to the man behind the “Ground Zero Mosque” or what should properly be called Park 51. This is very interesting since Fox News is one of the leading voices in opposition to Park 51 and instrumental in spreading lies and misinformation regarding the project, which is not a mosque and not at Ground Zero. This doesn’t surprise me really because I have never really thought that Fox News was interested in having anything to do with the truth, so why would they be transparent and let everyone know that they have no problem taking money from someone in support of Feisal Abdul Rauf and his project even as they (Fox News) spew hatred and lies regarding Islam and Park 51.

Now that brings me to the question of why Al-Waleed bin Talal would continue to support such fear mongering and hate invoking “reporting”?

It seems to me the answer is probably simple, money.

You can read more about the issue on

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!


One thing that I believe is that every bad circumstance we find ourselves in has a lesson to teach us. With that said, I am trying to figure out what lesson I am meant to learn from the situation I spoke about earlier regarding my coworker. This can be hard because often times the lessons we have to learn are not always easy to swallow. Sometimes we learn things about ourselves that we didn’t really want to know. At this particular moment I am unsure what the lesson of this circumstance is, but I am willing and determined to figure out what it is. No matter how hard the lesson may be to swallow at least it will turn this bad situation into something positive, because if you have learned something from a bad experience then you have turned it into something positive. There is nothing better and more important than knowledge.

This is the first time I have made a pointed effort to learn whatever lesson I feel the universe is trying to teach me, so I am really unsure of how to advance the process. Usually, I give little thought to it and simply wait for something to suddenly dawn on me, but I realize that is the lazy way of going about learning anything.

In order to proceed in the process I guess I could start by asking myself what I could have done differently. There are always many things that one can find in hindsight that should not have been done or should have been done in a different way. My first mistake is one I now realize I often make; I quickly become overly involved with friends. Things in this situation seemed to have happened overnight leaving me startled awake the next morning and groggy throughout the next day then blinded by the sun of truth. It’s not clear to me yet, why I jumped into this situation so fast.

Another thing that has struck me is that I have a bit of a need to “save people”. Whether it is for selfish or unselfish reasons I am unsure. I suspect it is probably for both. Part of it also stems from the fear and belief I have that I am completely unlovable and worthless, so if anyone is ever going to have anything to do with me I am going to have to “be the hero” and “save them” or “buy their love”.

One thing that I did figure out today is that not caring or at least pretending not to care is going to be the best way to handle the situation. Simply shutting down on this person seems to be bothering her more that if I had gotten all upset and in her face, plus it’s simply the more mature way to act.

I plan to continue learning as many lessons as this situation will teach me. That seems the best way to turn this negative situation into a positive one.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Scarcely Functioning, Hurt and Angry

I am not sure what is going on but I am barely hanging on. Last night and the night before did not prove to be restful in the least. My mind has been cloudy lately and today is really bad. Irritability is at an all time high as well. Productivity is low. I am accomplishing almost nothing at work which is especially irritating because I had a few months that were really good and got caught up, and even a bit ahead on things, but now I am behind and completely lost and overwhelmed. There’s not even enough concentration or focus for me to read, which is really scary. Currently I have about 5 books that I am dying to read but I can’t even get through a few pages.

Then, this afternoon I find out that this woman that I WAS “friends” with at work has been saying some of the ugliest things behind my back, and even lied and said that I was saying bad things about the boss and being disrespectful to the boss. This is all after my hubby and I spent well over $800 for her daughter to be on the drill team, at least $500 for their Christmas, and even more $ on random items for the kids. I even gave her a Coach purse (yes a real one)! What is worse is that she is still expecting me to do the fundraising so that when her daughter’s drill team goes to competition later in the year she won’t have to pay for the trip. If the parents (or in this case the unlucky folks who have been taken advantage of) do the fundraisers then they don’t have to pay for the trip.

So let me get this straight. We pay for your daughter to be on drill team but you can’t even get off of your butt and work concessions at 5 football games so that your daughter can go to competition?

Then there’s the time I paid a cell phone bill for her and she proceeded to yell, scream and cuss at me for not asking her about it first. I realize that I should have asked her, but I did NOT deserve to be talked to the way she talked to me. I even took off of work the next day to go and get the money refunded and then she accused me of not doing “what she told me to do”. Newsflash, I am not one of her children. You don’t get to tell me what to do or boss me around.

I am so hurt and angry about this, and I feel so used. How can people be so mean and heartless? I have done nothing but try and help her and help her kids. To make things even worse is her cubicle is right next to mine so I am almost forced to interact with her daily. It makes me sick. At least I am not the only one she has been screwing over. I found out that she has been taking advantage of the other girls at work and stabbing them in the back as well, so I am trying not to take it personally. Plus, she has admitted to hearing voices and has said several times that other members in her family have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder, so I am also going to chalk a lot of it up to mental instability.

Something has got to give. I am tired, hurt and falling apart.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Landry Update!!! The Hope Contiunues!

For those who are not familiar with Landry's story click here and here.
For quick reference, this was Landry when they found him in late July:

This is Landry now!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Abba Lawrence with TIGR for saving Landry!

All photos by Abba Lawrence.

Remember, Landry still needs a forever home!

Contact TIGR for info!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Great Mood Tracking/Symptom Tracking Websites

For those of us who are Bipolar, mood tracking can be a very valuable tool. There are many ways to do this on your own but there are some great websites that can help you do it as well. Even better, it's free! The first is MoodTracker it's pretty much just as it sounds. It's pretty simple but not very customizable, what you see is what you get.
The second PatientsLikeMe  has a broader scope that is really about tracking symptoms for everything from mental illnesses to chronic physical illnesses. It is very comprehensive and customizable. You can add your own sypmtoms to the list among other things. Plus, it has a bit of a social networking type feel to it. You can also add cargivers to it so that family members and doctors can keep an eye on your tracking as well. You have to maually add those folks to your site and give them permission to see your info, so you have complete control of the situation.
Both sites also help you monitor your medications and both will give you graphs and printouts of you moods over time and in relation to your medications. PatientsLikeMe has graphs that are more comprehensive becaue you can track an enormous amount of information. You can print these graphs to keep for your records or to take with you to Dr. appointments. Both sites will even allow you to set up notifications so that remiders can be sent to you via email.
Hope someone finds this helpful!
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Are You Taking Your Medication?

One of the reasons I don’t tell people about my Bipolar Disorder is because I hate, Hate, HATE it when I am upset and someone blows me off because of the fact that I am Bipolar. It’s as if my feelings don’t matter because of my Bipolar Disorder. Now, sometimes I admit that I may be irrationally upset about something, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less simply because the feelings and reaction are irrational. But sometimes I am rightfully upset for a rational reason and still people blow me off because of my disorder. There is nothing more frustrating and hurtful and I have no idea how to handle those situations. It just makes the situation even worse by upsetting me even more than I was in the first place.

The absolute worst is when I get upset and someone asks “have you been taking your medicine?” There are not words for how upsetting it is when people say that, especially when I am specifically upset with that person because of something they did. When people say that it’s like they are saying “I have done nothing wrong so you can’t possibly be upset with me, therefore the reason you are upset is your fault somehow which must mean you are not taking your meds.” I just want to respond with “yes I have been taking my meds which mean you really are an ass who has done something exceedingly rude and insensitive that has truly hurt my feelings.” Ugh! I hate being Bipolar!

(Please note however there is a difference when a close friend or relative comes to me after seeing me deteriorate over a period of time and calmly talking to me about whether I am taking my meds or if I need to have a med adjustment.)

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone, Even Those Who Have Asked Me If I Am Taking My Medication!

Ugh! Sarah Palin Has a New Book Coming Out in November.

Apparently I have been living under a rock, or maybe I just don’t care, but Sarah Palin has a new book coming out in November. This will be her second book in what, 2 -3 years? I am surprised she actually has that many viable thoughts in her head.

I just don’t understand what it is about her that so many people love. She’s an absolute train wreck, the Brittney Spears of politics. Of course, we only have John McCain to thank for creating this monster. If he and his people had just done a tiny bit of digging they would have realized that Sarah Palin had no business being a VP candidate. Katie Couric was able to demonstrate that fact in less a few hours worth of interviews, but Mr. Maverick and his entourage were apparently focused on something other than brains, qualifications, and experience. Hmmm, what does that leave us with? Ah, yes, beauty. Sarah Palin was a beauty queen, was she not? Do I really believe that was all they cared about, no, but my God what were they thinking?! I honestly don’t see what they thought qualified Palin to run beside McCain as VP. It can’t just be about the vagina factor because there are plenty of qualified women out there who could have run with McCain, and if it was about looks I am sure that at least one of those more qualified women was pretty. After all, the number of women more qualified than Palin is quite high. =

There is still buzz about her running for President in 2012. I truly can’t comprehend a world in which any sizable group of people would believe that Palin has the qualifications to be the President of the United States of America. Hopefully I won’t have to even comprehend a world where Sara Palin would even make it to the primaries because I don’t think I could stand having to listen to her any more than I already have to, or suffer through her dominating any more of the news cycles than she already does.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone, Even Sara Palin!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Little Ricky Update

Little Ricky is doing MUCH better. His soreness and limping are gone. The bruises are fading as well. Thank goodness. I was getting worried about him. He is a doll and such a lover. Human contact seems to be the most important thing to him. Even food seems less important to him that being with his human buddies. My hubby and I can't even go potty without him crying for us. Even when we are in the shower he wines until he figures out that we are behind the shower curtain. I am unsure yet whether or not it may be a case of separation anxiety. That is something we will have to keep and eye on.
He goes in on Wednesday to get neutered and then he will be moving to a different foster home. I am going to miss this little guy!
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Super Saturday - Sophie Scrapbook Project

Went to see my Aunt Lynn today and we completed another scrapbook project. I had a blast! I have wanted to do a black and white project for a long time and saw the paper we used for the background the last time I was over at my Aunt’s and knew that would be the background for the project. Adding the red to it was completely unexpected and an idea I got from my Aunt. We actually put the flowers together ourselves and made the butterflies as well. We even added little wire antennas to the butterflies.

This isn’t the best photo in the world as I took it with my iPhone. I will add a better one later.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Another Wonderful Friday (Doctor Visit, Dinner and Movie with My Aunt)

My doctor's appointment went very well. She changed my meds without giving me any trouble. Now we wait and see how it works.
Tonight I went to dinner with my Cousin and Aunt. We had a good time talking and catching up. After dinner we did a bit of shopping and then my Cousin needed to get home to the kids (and to bed, she is less than 2 weeks post-op). After getting my Cousin home, my Aunt and I went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It was really good. I immediately bought the book once we left the movie theater (Hooray for the iPad!). I can't wait to read it. Since it is a story about personal discovery and spiritual journey I think I will get much more out of the book. I hope to write more about that in the future.
For now, I am off to bed!
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Worried About Little Ricky

Little Ricky is still really sore today. He was limping again this morning and I have to be really careful if I pick him up because he still cries out in pain if I’m not. His bruising is the same, no worse, no better. I worry about him. Not sure yet if a trip to the vet is called for, but keeping a close eye on him. I am a worrywart so my thoughts go straight to possible internal injuries and broken bones. Later today I will give my rescue rep a call and see what she thinks. I am guessing that since he isn’t lethargic and still willing to try and play he is going to be fine and there are no “real” injuries. It’s hard to tell with dogs. The reason I am so worried is we had a little girl come through rescue several years ago and she had been attacked by another dog. Half her poor leg had been ripped off! She had been taken to the vet immediately after the attack by the owner was triaged. When rescue got her we took to have the rest of that leg amputated. While she was on the operating table she passed away due to internal injuries. We were all shocked and devastated because she was acting like a normal little doggy right before we took her to the vet. She was very social and ate and seemed fine (other than the leg of course). Plus the vet that triaged her did catch any signs of internal injuries (I don’t know the vet that triaged her so I don’t know if they were incompetent or if the owner didn’t want any real testing done or what). Granted Little Ricky’s case was obviously not as severe as there are no open wounds and he has all of his appendages, but I still worry.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Meds Continued

Follow up on Wednesday’s Meds Blog:

I have an appointment today with my Psychiatrist to discuss taking me off the Lithium and putting me on something else that will “play nice” with the other meds my PCP is wanting to put me on. I am a little anxious about the appointment. That is nothing new though. Going to the Dr. always makes me anxious. I don’t get as anxious these days for mental health appointments so today won’t be too bad. Regular medical appointments send my anxiety through the roof however. I dread having to see my PCP again when/if we get my Lithium changed, but I am trying to just focus on today. At least this evening will be fun! My Aunt, Cousin and I are having dinner and a movie tonight! That will help get my mind off things.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Little Ricky is Back! Had a Greyt Evening with My Aunt!

My Aunt Lynn and I had dinner at Chipotle after I got off work. As always, it was wonderful and we talked and talked! After dinner we went and picked Little Ricky from his current foster home. This is a little guy my hubby and I picked up last month from a kill shelter in Oklahoma. He stayed with us for about a week before moving to another foster home (We were already full and were only supposed to do his transport from Oklahoma but got to keep him a bit longer). Today his foster mommy called me and was very worried because Little Ricky and one of the other bigger Iggies in the home had quite a scuffle. Little Ricky was not picking up the social cues that the other dog was giving and Little Ricky's foster mom was worried that there would be a repeat scuffle. We decided that Little Ricky might do better back at our house so my Aunt went with me to go pick him up. (Again there was lots more talking! Shock!)
Poor Little Ricky got his clock cleaned pretty well. He has a pretty good sized bruise on his ribs and he was limping earlier. He is also pretty sore and I have to be careful how I pick him up or he lets out quite a good yelp or Iggy Scream. None of this gets in the way of his sweetness though. Giving kisses is still his most favorite thing to do. I swear this is the sweetest little guy we have had and that is saying something because we have had some sweet little babies come through here.
After we dropped him off at the house my Aunt and I went to the bookstore and looked at books and talked some more. It was really nice. We are going out to eat and to a movie tomorrow night and my cousin is going to join us. My Aunt and I are so excited.
Here are a few pics of our sweet Little Ricky!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Greyt News!

Maya, one of the 29 Greyhound/Greyhound Mixes seized by FWACC in July was just adopted!!!!!
Thank you TIGR (TX Italian Greyhound Rescue) for taking her in and getting her well so that she could find a forever home!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Update on the FWACC Dogs

Here is an update on the Greyhound/Greyhound Mix dogs recently seized in Fort Worth. There was one seizure of 28 dogs in late July and then another seizure of 11 dogs earlier this month.

GALT posted this on their Facebook page earlier today:

From the original FWAC seizure of 28 hounds, GALT's six surviving greyhounds are improving - Max, Ella, Pico, Charlie, Nate and Nicole. They will begin their treatment for Babesia within the next 7 days. Their oral medication has been extended for an additional 2 weeks. Of the 11 greys from the second FWAC seizure, 5 are with GALT, 5 are with Greyhounds Unlimited, and one is with It's A Grey Area. GALT's adults Jitterbug, Red and Sweet Pea are being closely monitored each day for any signs of illness. All suffer from Ehrlichia canis and Babesia canis. Jitterbug is heartworm positive and also has positive titers to Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Medication has been started on all three adults. Two puppies, Bessie and Delilah, are being treated for symptoms of upper respiratory infections, with the hope that it is not distemper. Their conditions are guarded and they are being monitored closely. Please continue to send your positive thoughts for all of these greyhounds to improve and survive the terrible existence they have endured.

The Officers, Directors, and Committee Members of Greyhound Adoption League of Texas, Inc.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Well I am back in another tough spot with my meds. One of the meds I am on is Lithium. Last week while at the doctor I found out that I have another medical condition that requires me to go on medication. The problem is most of the medications that I can take for that condition are not meds that I can take while on Lithium. This is going to require that I see a specialist, and if a medication is found that I can take with the Lithium it will require a great deal of monitoring. Just the thought of all of that monitoring makes my stress level skyrocket. I am seriously thinking about calling my Psychiatrist and having her take me off of Lithium and put me on something else. Anyone who is on meds for mental illness knows that this is not as simple or as safe as I have made it sound. I am truly sick of taking meds! I hate this. Why can’t I be normal? I don’t know what to do. My next appointment with my Psychiatrist isn’t until 9/20. I am thinking about calling and trying to get that appointment moved up. Ugh!!!!!!!!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

My Inner Battle With Religion

I’m not here to try and talk anyone out of their religion. If you are a deeply religious person or have a really strong faith I don’t encourage you to read the rest of this blog. If you are teetering and unsure of your faith PLEASE stop reading! I don’t want to be even the slightest bit responsible for you losing your faith. Frankly, if I could go back to the days when I had blind faith in God and in the Bible, I would. There was a lot of comfort in prayer, faith and believing that the “all powerful” has your very own best interest at heart, but I have crossed the line of disbelief and sadly I don’t think there is a way back to the other side. It’s not that the God that I believed in wouldn’t take me back, it’s just that once you are in the place I am in, belief in God and the Bible are just no longer possible. It’s kind of like when you were a child and learned the truth about Santa. Were you ever really able to believe in Santa again? Didn’t your disbelief only grow stronger as each Christmas passed?

I don’t know. I know I am no scholar. It’s also confusing because this day in time you can find a way to twist facts to fit your opinion so that it would take someone who was truly a scholar to unravel the “truth” you have created. UGH!

Plus, it just doesn’t seem fair or make sense to me. Take for instance a situation I encountered the other day. A coworker was all excited and praising God because she had asked God to help her find a file that she had misplaced, and sure enough, she found it. It wasn’t even all that important of a file. No major consequences would occur if the file had not been found; it would have simply been an inconvenience. This whole thing struck me as odd. I had just read a book called Half The Sky which spoke about the plight of many women in Africa and Asia. There are millions of women living in horrendous circumstances, and God took the time to help her find her file? Really? What does that say about the women who remain in those horrendous circumstances? What about those women who are lucky enough to get help of some sort? Does that mean that God cares less about those women who did not get help? Were the ones who got help better people? Did they pray harder? Was their faith stronger? If the answer to those questions is yes then that means that those who still suffer and haven’t gotten help are bad people and don’t have strong enough faith? All of that just sounds so harsh and cruel. Some may say that those who get help are children of God and that is why they got help, because God helps his children, but how cruel is that? Didn’t Jesus teach us to be kind to our enemy? So would God even be taking his own advice if he let those who are not “His Children” suffer?

This always gives me a headache and leaves me quite melancholy so I better stop for now. This is a HUGE subject to tackle and I can’t do it all in one post.

Again, I am NOT trying to talk anyone out of their beliefs. If my blog leaves you questioning your beliefs even in the tiniest of manners please don’t read it. I honestly am not trying to make you an unbeliever.

Also, I am medicated, tired and my thought are racing so please excuse grammatical and spelling errors and any sentences that are incoherent.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Gratitude Perspective 8/24/2010

Today while I was cursing the public bathroom facilities at work I found it a perfect chance to practice the Gratitude Perspective. Suddenly, mid curse I remembered the fact that there are millions of girls in Africa who are unable to go to school because they don’t have things as basic as maxi pads and tampons. They also don’t have a place at home or school where they can take care of those monthly issues. That means that if they were in school (which most can’t afford), they would have to miss one week a month because of their period. They would fall behind so much that they would eventually have to drop out, or the school would kick them out due to absences. So while we curse the “monthly curse” we can at least be thankful that we have a grocery store aisle full of tampons and maxi pads to choose from. Plus, we have feminine spray, feminine wipes, Pamprin, Midol, and most important of all CHOCOLATE!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Birthday Reflections

Since it’s my birthday I though it might be good to reflect on and really look at what I have to be thankful for. I wrote about the Gratitude Perspective a while back but haven’t touched on it since. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about it or trying to practice it, I just haven’t really been able to figure out how to fit it into a blog post. However, with it being my birthday it seemed like an appropriate time to stop and reflect.

First of all, my biggest blessing is my husband. If it wasn’t for Jeff I don’t know what shape I would be in. He is truly my rock. I have never felt as though I deserve him but I can’t even put into words how much I love him and appreciate him and all he does. Then, I have my doggies who give me so much joy. We are so lucky to be in position to have our furbabies.

Just in the past few months I have been able to reconnect with my Aunt Lynn and cousins, Gwen and Vanessa. I haven’t talked with them in years and it has been wonderful catching up, remembering good times and creating new memories.

I also think it is import to look at those things that we all often take for granted. The fact that we both have jobs is amazing, and the fact that we work in a country that protects workers from exploitation and inhumane conditions is something we don’t always remember to be thankful for. I am lucky to work in a beautiful, climate controlled building, and I am rarely ever expected to work more than 40 hours a week. While as a social worker my wages may not be on the high side, I am still able to put a roof over my head and can afford to find transportation (be it owning a car or using cabs or public transit) and feed and clothe myself. With my hubby’s income we are able to live what most people in 3rd world countries would consider a life of luxury. Heck, people in this country might feel the same way. We have air conditioning and heating, indoor plumbing, electricity, cable TV, internet, iPhones, computers, an iPad and so on. We have A LOT to be thankful for.

To top it off, I had to go to my first therapy appointment with my new insurance and found out that ALL OUTPAITENT MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES are covered 100%, therefore there is NO COPAY! This includes my Psychiatrist appointments and my therapy appointments! That is HUGE for us because my mental health Dr. visits are what cost us the most as far as health care costs. That was probably the biggest birthday present I got today. Of course, even with copays I am thankful to just have health insurance especially when many don’t. Plus, there are even more people throughout the world that don’t even have access to basic medical care. When I say basic medical care I mean that there are large numbers of people in Africa that DIE from diarrhea. The likelihood of that happening to any of us is almost nil. Hell, my dogs get better medical care than many of the people in third world countries.

Another thing that I often feel grateful for is my education. There have been many clients on my case load over the years that either could not read at all or whose reading skills were at a level with which they could barely function in society. I am so thankful for the opportunities that I have had to further my education and better myself. I am no where near the smartest person or most educated person on the block, but I have had opportunities that many will never get and I am forever grateful for that.

I have lived another year and hope to live another more. Maybe I can make this the year of gratitude.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Random Opinions

Thanks to my wonderful Vicodin my head feels like it's in the clouds. I have so much I want to talk about today but I just can't really get my thoughts to transfer into written word very well. Here on some thought snippets I am hoping to expand on later:

Why is it when a group of people simply want equality some automatically begin to fear a hostile takeover by that group of people?

It is funny to me how so many want to eradicate the concept and practice of Separation of Church and State so long as Christianity is the only religion being unified with government. I guarantee you if a Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan or any follower of a religion other than Christianity was to question the concept Christians would suddenly practice strict adherence to the concept of Separation of Church and State.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Thanks Followers!

Wow! I am up to 5 followers. It shocks me that there are even 5 people who care about what I have to say and are willing to put up with my rants, even if 3 of them are family members. Thanks everyone!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

A Happy Tale - Milo Got Adopted!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Milo found his furever home today! He was put on Petfinder Thursday and Dawn emailed me Friday and said she already had someone contact her about Milo. I was excited but wasn’t counting on it panning out. Those in animal rescue understand what I mean. We are forever getting people interested in dogs that change their mind or don’t meet adoption requirements. So I got Milo all ready this morning and took him to the Adopt-A-Pet event that the Coppell Humane Society was having today. I had honestly forgotten about Dawn saying that there was anyone interested in Milo. When we arrived at Petsmart the family that was interested in him was already there waiting for us! They had gotten there about 30 minutes before the event even started. When Milo and I came around the corner where they were waiting they looked up and exclaimed “It’s Milo!” Dawn came over to introduce us and let me know that she had already checked vet references and everything checked out great. She then let us all go to the back so that Milo could meet the family and their terrier mix, Lucy. Everyone hit it off instantly. Sweet Milo never even made it to one of the show crates. I can’t believe how fast he went! Amazing! Here is a picture of Milo’s new Mommy and Furiend. I love a happy ending!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone, Especially Milo and His New Family!

Dinner and an Urgent Care Clinc Visit...It Was Going to be Dinner and a Movie

I am a bit loopy on pain meds tonight but I hate to go a whole day without posting something. Plus, this evening was a bit crazy.

I went to dinner with my Aunt Lynn but afterward ended up in the urgent care clinic. I hesitate to tell this story because I don’t know that everyone will really understand that what happened was our fault and not the dog’s. Last Sunday my hubby and I had a sweet little Italian Greyhound that we were overnighting. The poor little dog had a broken leg and had been through a whole lot that weekend. He was scared, tired and in pain. Jeff picked him up (while standing) and the little guy got scared and tried to jump from Jeff’s arms. NOT GOOD! He surely would have broken another leg and further damaged his broken one. Both Jeff and I panicked and grabbed for him. In all of the commotion the little guy bit my thumb and bit through the thumb nail. It hasn’t been getting any better and when my Aunt Lynn saw it at dinner she was positive that I should have it looked at. Since it was already 6pm and a Friday we ended up at Care Now. They gave me 2 shots and then gave me a prescription for pain meds, antibiotics and Naproxen. I almost had a heart attack when the Dr. said I would have to fill out some form that would be sent to animal control for follow up. Thankfully my Aunt was thinking quicker than I was and told the Dr. that we don’t even have the dog anymore because it was a rescue situation. Thankfully the Dr. assumed that I no longer knew where the dog was and decided to forgo the paperwork. WHEW!!!!! I swear I was already planning on ways to abscond to Canada with the little guy. Thank you Aunt Lynn!

Well I am off to Vicodin Dreamland.


Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

More From Sarah Palin Regarding Dr. Laura

So Palin didn’t stop at Tweeting. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Here is what Palin posted on her Facebook page regarding Dr. Laura’s current debacle.

Does anyone seriously believe that Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a racist? Anyone, I mean, who isn’t already accusing all conservatives, Republicans, Tea Party Americans, etc., etc., etc. of being racists?
Adversaries who have been trying to silence Dr. Laura for years seized on her recent use of the n-word on her show as she subsequently suggested that rap “artists” and other creative types like those producing HBO shows who regularly use the n-word could be questioned for doing so. Her intention in discussing the issue with a caller seeking advice was not to be hateful or bigoted. Though she did not mean to insult the caller, she did, and she apologized for it. Still, those who oppose her seized upon her mistake in using the word (though she didn’t call anyone the derogatory term) to paint her as something that she’s not. I can understand how she could feel “shackled” by those who would parse a single word out of decades of on-air commentary. I understand what she meant when she declared that she was “taking back my First Amendment rights” by turning to a new venue that will not allow others the ability to silence her by going after her stations, sponsors, and supporters.
I, and obviously many others, have been “shackled” too by people who play games with false accusations, threats, frivolous lawsuits, misreporting, etc., in an effort to silence those with whom they disagree. That’s why I tend to defend people who call it like they see it while others stop at nothing to shut them up. I learned this valuable lesson when the partisan obstructionists in my state tried to shackle, bankrupt, and destroy my family and supporters, and my record, with endless frivolous litigation when I returned from the Vice Presidential campaign trail. In order to shake off the shackles they wanted to paralyze us with, I handed the reins to another, much like Dr. Laura is doing, so that these obstructionists who hated a Commonsense Conservative agenda wouldn’t win. I didn’t retreat; I reloaded in order to fight for what is right on a fairer battlefield. So, more power to someone with good intentions who refuses to be shackled by their detractors when they are falsely accused of being racist.
Dr. Laura did not call anyone or any group of people the n-word. Curiously, the same criers over this issue didn’t utter a word when White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel called a group protesting the Obama Administration’s actions, “f***ing retards.” When this presidential spokesman uttered this term I commented that the President would be better off not including Emmanuel in his circle of advisers, and my opinion was based not just on the crude and disrespectful term Emmanuel used to label people, but because he too often gives the President very poor advice. I was called intolerant and narrow-minded by many on the Left for commenting on that issue. Many of these same Leftists are now spinning the Dr. Laura issue into something it is not. As usual, their hypocrisy and double standard applications are glaring.
- Sarah Palin

With regards to this bullshit about Dr. Laura’s First Amendment Rights having been trampled on, Jessica Yellin from CNN said it best “there’s no inalienable right there to a radio talk show.” In other words the First Amendment does not state that people have to like Dr. Laura, her stupid show, or anything that comes out of her mouth!
As for Dr. Laura being on the air for decades without ever saying anything derogatory; that is a misstatement depending on who you are and what your beliefs are. I personally have been offended by Dr. Laura on many occasions, as have many others; she just happened to finally cross the line that she had been dancing on these past few decades.
Palin’s issue with Rahm Emanuel calling someone a “f***king retard” and using that as a comparison to calling someone the “N” word is flat out stupid. Sure, calling someone a retard is not nice but it doesn’t compare to calling someone the “N” word. No one has been lynched, beaten, or enslaved because they are mentally retarded. Calling someone retarded doesn’t imply the violence and hatred that calling someone the “N” word does. And I don’t really care that she didn’t actually call someone the “N” word. I don’t think she (being white) has any business using the word, much less 11 times in the same sitting. Plus, was the use of the word the only thing wrong with that whole tirade? No! The poor caller called in for personal advice, not for Dr. Laura’s philosophical opinion about the use of the “N” word among black people. The fact that Dr. Laura thinks that you shouldn’t enter into an interracial marriage if you are too sensitive about race issues is just as offensive as her spewing of the “N” word. And yes, it is my opinion that she did indeed spew!

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

Palin Tweets Her Support for Dr. Laura

Sarah Palin never ceases to disgust me! I seriously would not have expected her to support Dr. Laura in her racist tirade and spewing of the “N” word. Apparently our little Tweetheart decided to shout her support for Dr. Laura from the Tweet-tops by posting these two tweets:

Where to even begin? First of all, no one is saying that Dr. Laura didn’t have the right to say the idiotic things she said. She has every right to be a racist and ignorant bitch. I don’t see her going to jail for saying anything she said, or being sentenced to a beating on the steps of city hall. Constitutional obstructionist? Really? Just as Dr. Laura has the right to say what she wants doesn’t mean we have to like and support it. Sponsors have a right to drop a client if they don’t like what the image the client is projecting. I have the right to not listen to her show if I don’t like what she has to say. Being a celebrity is about getting people to love you (or hate you) so much that they want to listen to you on the radio or watch you on television. Dr. Laura was able to get a fan base (which scares me quite a bit), but as with many celebrities the spotlight fades for some reason. For those like Dr. Laura and Mel Gibson they just happened to pull the plug on their own spotlight. Now Dr. Laura is mad because people and sponsors are dropping her and moving on. She should have thought about that before she opened her mouth! This is not about first amendment rights or the constitution. No one is telling her she legally can’t be on the air, it’s just that what she said was so offensive no one wants her on the air anymore.

What gets to me the most is Palin’s statement about activist trying to silence Dr. Laura and how it isn’t American. WHAT?! Activism is as American as it gets! Having a group of people join forces for a common purpose and speak out about it is a celebration of the First Amendment in the purest of forms. Nothing shows the power of the First Amendment more than that! I think Palin and Dr. Laura are just pissed because this time the activists’ voices are finally louder than theirs.

Read more about this at The Huffington Post.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!