Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My Inner Battle With Religion

I’m not here to try and talk anyone out of their religion. If you are a deeply religious person or have a really strong faith I don’t encourage you to read the rest of this blog. If you are teetering and unsure of your faith PLEASE stop reading! I don’t want to be even the slightest bit responsible for you losing your faith. Frankly, if I could go back to the days when I had blind faith in God and in the Bible, I would. There was a lot of comfort in prayer, faith and believing that the “all powerful” has your very own best interest at heart, but I have crossed the line of disbelief and sadly I don’t think there is a way back to the other side. It’s not that the God that I believed in wouldn’t take me back, it’s just that once you are in the place I am in, belief in God and the Bible are just no longer possible. It’s kind of like when you were a child and learned the truth about Santa. Were you ever really able to believe in Santa again? Didn’t your disbelief only grow stronger as each Christmas passed?

I don’t know. I know I am no scholar. It’s also confusing because this day in time you can find a way to twist facts to fit your opinion so that it would take someone who was truly a scholar to unravel the “truth” you have created. UGH!

Plus, it just doesn’t seem fair or make sense to me. Take for instance a situation I encountered the other day. A coworker was all excited and praising God because she had asked God to help her find a file that she had misplaced, and sure enough, she found it. It wasn’t even all that important of a file. No major consequences would occur if the file had not been found; it would have simply been an inconvenience. This whole thing struck me as odd. I had just read a book called Half The Sky which spoke about the plight of many women in Africa and Asia. There are millions of women living in horrendous circumstances, and God took the time to help her find her file? Really? What does that say about the women who remain in those horrendous circumstances? What about those women who are lucky enough to get help of some sort? Does that mean that God cares less about those women who did not get help? Were the ones who got help better people? Did they pray harder? Was their faith stronger? If the answer to those questions is yes then that means that those who still suffer and haven’t gotten help are bad people and don’t have strong enough faith? All of that just sounds so harsh and cruel. Some may say that those who get help are children of God and that is why they got help, because God helps his children, but how cruel is that? Didn’t Jesus teach us to be kind to our enemy? So would God even be taking his own advice if he let those who are not “His Children” suffer?

This always gives me a headache and leaves me quite melancholy so I better stop for now. This is a HUGE subject to tackle and I can’t do it all in one post.

Again, I am NOT trying to talk anyone out of their beliefs. If my blog leaves you questioning your beliefs even in the tiniest of manners please don’t read it. I honestly am not trying to make you an unbeliever.

Also, I am medicated, tired and my thought are racing so please excuse grammatical and spelling errors and any sentences that are incoherent.

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

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