Well it is safe to say that blogging is my new “Bipolar Obsession”. This of course is not a technical term by any means. It’s just what I call the phases I go through where I get completely irrationally obsessed with and hyper focused on something. When this happens it is almost all I can think about. I lose sleep because of it and if I do sleep I literally dream about it. These obsessions happen in my manic and mixed states. I think I am bordering on manic at the moment. A lot of sleep was lost last night while I tinkered away here on my blog. I even skipped my Seroquel last night because I knew if I took the dose it would knock me out and my blog fun would end for the night. These obsessions drive me crazy (Quite literally, I guess). I knew I was in trouble this morning when I ended up with a glitch on my blog after tinkering a little too much. There are actual physical reactions I have when things I am obsessing over go even a little bit askew. My tummy starts to hurt and I can feel my pulse rate soar. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that my blood pressure goes through the roof too. Sad to say, I haven’t been productive at work this morning. The glitch is finally fixed and I am hoping that blogging about all of this will allow me to move on and get some stuff done. Ugh!
What started it all was that I wanted to try and customize the template some more so I went to some websites and found a few templates and tried downloading them but they all had small glitches in them that were driving me crazy. With all of the downloading and deleting and redownloading I must have really pissed my blog off. My blogs were posting 2 or 3 times and the widgets and gadgets that were causing it were not giving me the option to delete them. I ended up having to start over in a way. Hopefully you won’t notice a difference in the blog because I basically gave up and tried to go completely back to the original design.
I also played around with Wordpress last night. Boy was that engrossing. It’s not quite as easy to navigate as Blogger/Blogspot but it seems as though you can customize it a great deal more, which it right up my alley. The only problem is that it adds a lot more fuel for my manic fire. If I am not careful I may end up with a full blown meltdown.
Yes, that’s right folks, a full blown meltdown over a fucking blog. That’s the story of my life and my Bullshit Bipolar Disorder. I am still trying to figure out the psychology behind such irrational meltdowns and still fiddling with cognitive and behavioral therapy techniques to work through the irrational torment that comes with these obsessions, but I haven’t got it figured out yet.
The first order of business tonight will be to take my blasted medicine so that I can get some sleep. I still can’t believe I got so caught up in my irrational thoughts and behaviors last night that I talked myself out of taking my meds. You think I would have learned by now.
Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!