Monday, August 9, 2010

My Love-Hate Relationship With My Meds

So maybe it’s not really as severe as a love hate relationship. It is more like the annoyance of the bad habits of a loving husband. But whereas you can nicely ask your loving husband not to show off in public the fact that he can burp your first, middle and last name you can’t sit down and ask your medication to kindly quit making you sleep all day or take back that 20 pounds it helped you gain. Just like the loving husband though, the good out weighs the bad and just like the loving husband, there are no perfect medications.

What bothers me the most is the extreme drowsiness. Before, I couldn’t sleep much at all. I would sleep 2 hours a night sometimes and lack of sleep exacerbates my Bipolar symptoms like nothing else.

Due to my medication there are some days I sleep 12 hours. I hate wasting so much time sleeping. Plus, the drowsiness also makes it hard to read, which is one of my favorite things to do. I have tried other medications (I don’t recommend trying out other husbands though), but nothing has giving me the positive benefits of my current medication. Other medications don’t help at all with my insomnia so I end up sleeping only 2 hours a night again. They also don’t help with the mood swings and anxiety like my current medication does. It’s so frustrating.

This leads me to think about the quality of life vs. the quantity of life. Would I rather have 12 hours a day in which I am stable and productive or 22 hours a day where I am awake but grumpy, scattered, anxious and unproductive? It’s a trade off.

Another thing that bothers me is the lack of understanding from others. Some people don’t understand why I sleep so much and think it is because I am lazy or undisciplined. They also think that it is just mind over matter. It makes me want to slip a pill in their morning coffee and see what happens. Hmmmmmm…

Tiny Giraffe Kisses To Everyone!

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